Sunday, March 23, 2014

Doing the Life Thing :)

Holy bananas!!! It's been a long, expensive, stressful, yet rewarding month! Justin and I now have our first house!  We've been married for TWO months! It seems a little sureal.

In recent months, I've definitely become more aware of my health status. Not that I've not been in the past; however, I've become more mindful of the effects it has on those around me and the people I love and care for. I have began to post a picture on FB for every time I do a vest/neb. I'm sure it may annoy some people on my page, but I am doing this for me. It holds me accountable and I know most of my friends on FB love seeing that I am doing what I should be! I have deemed Friday to be "Four Vests Friday" for myself, and I am so blessed to have some Cysters and Fibros who are joining me as well as so many others giving me encouragement to stay on top of all my therapies! The day I deemed "FVF" I posted this along with a photo: 

"Ok... I am deeming today four vests Friday! I REFUSE to let CF take over. So I'm going to kick it in the butt and suck up the extra half an hour for one more vest on Fridays! Hopefully working my way towards four more often in the following weeks, but it's one step at a time! 
I WILL win! I AM going to be here to watch my baby sisters and brothers get married and have children. I WON'T make my parents have to bury me because I'm going to live until I'm 90! I WON'T give up and I will NEVER allow myself to lose faith that God is right beside me along with all of my wonderful friends, my husband, my two amazing sets of parents, my sweet little sissies, my awesome brothers, my guardian angels in Heaven, my babies of the canine kind, and my inspiring & strong cysters & fibros who are fighting the battle with me!
I am 100% determined to live life to the fullest! I want people to think of me as the girl who fought and WON the battle. And I want more than anything to give back to everyone who has pushed me to stay positive, everyone who has never lost hope in me even when I'd lost it in myself. I want to give my husband and best friend the one thing I know he's wanted from the start, a child. I want to give my parents a grandchild and my siblings a niece or nephew. In my 21 years, I have never been as determined as I am now! 

All the IVs, vest therapies, nebulizers, oxygen, coughing fits, puking, gasping, needles, and sadness, despair, anger, frustration, and self pity, I have learned to smile through the tears and laugh through the pain.
So much of my strength has come from watching my most beloved angel, my grandma JoAnn. She's flying high now, but in the short 21 years I knew her she NEVER gave up, never complained, never let anything shake her faith in God. Through every battle with cancer, every course of chemo & radiation, every round of dialysis, all the days of breathlessness, weeks and months spent in the hospital, surgery after surgery, blood transfusions after blood transfusions she NEVER let herself be negative. Never left you without a smile or a laugh. She is one of the most inspiring people I've ever known and ALWAYS will be my hero.
I have so much to live for. So much to accomplish in life. And I'll be damned if I let the monster inside beat me. CF is NOT who I am. I am Amber. I have CF, CF will NEVER have me.
I know it's going to be tough getting myself to do it all when I'd rather be doing something fun or when I'm not feeling well, so any and all thoughts, prayers, reminders, and encouragement will be VERY appreciated!
(& if I would have been smart, I could have started and finished my 3rd vest while writing this... But no, I'm just starting it now)

My Will to Continue to Fight Stems from These Guys

My brother, Lucas! <3
 Although there are many more, I don't have photos of them all. My mom, my older brother, some of my best friends/ friends, cysters and fibros, etc.
My foster siblings legally, but they will be mine no matter what! 

My angel... My grandma, JoAnn <3 My hero
My daddy <3

Summer of '13 with my lovely sister

My BEAUTIFUL sisters (latest photo with them)
My AMAZING foster parents
Mator <3

My #1 baby... ALWAYS & FOREVER <3 Mator
My two BEST friends and their daughter (my GODDAUGHTER)
Baby Diesel :)

All these people/pets have been amazing support for me over the years. Through everything I've gone through at least one or all of them have been there to encourage me to push forward and to remind me that things will get better. My heart is overwhelmed with joy and thanks to them. I couldn't do this without you! And to everyone who continuous stops by my FB page to leave me a loving/hopeful message or comment, those of you who pray for me whether it be once or on a regular basis, the people who send me random text messages "just to say, 'I love you,'" and to everyone of the healthcare professionals who've taken care of me throughout my life. If I could I would thank every single individual, personally, who has played a role in keeping me alive and feeling loved.

Many blessing to you all! <3

Amber Walker