100 Truths About Me :)

100 Truths About Me: 

(I was really bored so I came up with 100 different things you may or may not know about me and my life.)

***EDITED June 2018

Jeffery and I <3 My best friend

1.       My full name is Amber Rose Goff.

2.       I was born July 15, 1992 at 3:00pm.
3.       I’m married to Jeffery Allen Stillman Goff.
4.       My maiden name is Zitzloff, and I was married for a short time before Jeff.
5.       Our anniversary is February 10, 2016.
6.       I’m an army wife and sister.
7.       I have Cystic Fibrosis and Diabetes.
8.       I have two biological brothers, a foster brother, and three foster sisters: Nick, Lucas, Ryan, Stephanie, Hannah, and Kassy

9.       I was in foster care for six years.

10.   I have two dogs: Mator and Diesel. Both rescued Itailan Mastiffs.

11.   I love anything artsy and creative.
12.   I earned my black belt on March 8, 2008.
13.   Music is my life. Country is my favorite.
14.   I am Bipolar and I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Mator sleeping on my lap

15.   I love to collect inspirational quotes and sayings.
16.   I like to read and write poetry.
17.   Pretzels are my favorite snack.
18.   I eat Mild Cheddar Cheese off the block.
19.   I pray to be able to have children one day.
20.   I love taking pictures and photography.
21.   Animals are my passion.
22.   I have 6 best/close friends.
23.   Facebook and Instagram are my addictions.
24.   My phone is my lifeline.
25.   I have a bucket list of 100 things I want to do before I die.

26.   My blood type is O Positive.

27.   I’ve had numerous blood transfusions.

Jeff and Diesel <3

28.   I’ve never traveled outside the United States.
29.   I am a very picky eater.
30.   My phobias are spiders and clowns.

Bacon sleeping with Mator

31.   Blue and Purple are my favorite colors.
32.   I am 5’2”.
33.   I prefer country living over the city.
34.   I want to get a horse.
35.   I love to sing.
36.   2010 is my graduating year.
37.   I went to Annandale High School.
38.   I have two tattoos and hope to get more.
39.   I’m naturally a strawberry blonde.
40.   I was born in Minnesota and lived there for the first 21 years of my life.
41.   I moved to North Carolina in February 2014, and Indiana in November 2017.
42.   I have an insulin pump and CGM.

43.   I used to struggle with self-harm. I have been cut free for 7 years!
44.   I love crime shows.
45.   My most addicted to games are Ballz and Chop It.
46.   I have had a feeding tube since I was 10 years old.
47.   Creating patterns and designs interest me.
48.   I’ve never met anyone famous.
49.   Mountain Dew is my “must have” beverage.
50.  September 1992, I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis.
51.   I love tattoos and piercings.
52.   My beloved grandmother passed away November 20, 2012.

53.   I am a Christian.
54.   I am mostly an introvert.
55.   I graduated with honors.
56.   I am very passionate about the people and things I love.
57.   I’ve traveled to/through 36 out of the 50 states.
58.   The family dog has flown with me on an airplane.
59.   I’ve been on an airplane over 26 times.
60.   I cannot stand to wear matching socks.
61.   I’ve been trying for years to grow out my hair, but usually end up cutting it.
62.   I love to text message and type.
63.   Laughing is sometime I love to do.

My foster parents: Chad and Jennifer

64.   I’ve spent three Thanksgivings, two Christmases, two Valentines Days, a New Year, an Easter, and four birthdays in the hospital.

My first tattoo

65.   The entire 21 years I was in Minnesota, I only resided in one county, but four different cities and multiple different houses.
66.   I always sleep with my fan blowing.

Diesel <3

67.   Amby is my most used nickname.
68.   My zodiac sign is a Cancer.
69.   I write with my right hand but do everything else with my left.
70.   I had a major abdominal/intestinal surgery done in August 2009. 
71.   My first family vacation was taken in 2003 to Disney World.
72.   I’ve been in dance, gymnastics, baseball, karate, winter guard, and color guard.
73.   My junior year of high school, I rolled my dad’s pickup truck off a freeway bridge in a sleet storm.
74.   I like spontaneity.
75.   I don’t like excessive loudness.
76.   I am shy/quiet around new people or in larger groups.
77.   I love to make other people happy.
78.   I have a difficult time telling people no.
79.   I can be a sarcastic smartass.
80.   I’m sassy.

second tattoo in remembrance of grandma

81.   I love creative writing.
82.   Disney movies are my favorites.
83.   Cooking is not something I enjoy.
84.   I am OCD about certain things.

Me, Stephanie, Hannah, Kassy

85.   I hate making more than one trip when carrying or moving things.
86.   I love to shoot bow.
87.   I have an LG V20 and I hate it.
88.   Genetics/forensics is very intriguing to me. 
89.   I love babies.
90.   Juliana is my Goddaughter.
91.   Sometimes I tend to ramble when I talk.
92.   I often feel more strongly than I should about things.
93.   I tend to be overly self-critical and a perfectionist.
94.  I LOVE elephants.
95.   Addison Grace and Payton Ryan are the girl and boy names I have picked out for my children.

Juliana: my beautiful Goddaughter

96.   I am very opinionated when I have an opinion on something, otherwise, I am extremely passive.
97.   T.V. rarely holds my attention.
98.   Death does not scare me at all but leaving this earth before I get to accomplish my goals and do and see everything I'd like to does.
99.   Reading is a favorite of mine.
100.  I love doing DIY projects.

O! I'm Positive!

Blood Type: O Positive

Hey y'all! I'm still in the hospital. I received a second embolization on Monday after major bleeding over the weekend which required a blood transfusion. The first embolization I had (last Monday) was successful; however, there were a few areas that were overlooked/missed which is why the second one was necessary.

Right after my second embolization

So far, I have not had anymore blood! Today I will begin slowly reintroducing my nebulized medications. If that goes well and does not promote hemoptysis, I will try a less intense airway clearance. Then we'll go from there. Ultimately, the goal is to have zero bleeding and having me return home either Thursday evening or Friday.

Justin came to see the evening
of my embolization.

I am hopeful that once I am feeling better, I will be able to have better control over my blood sugars again. Currently they are all over the place! I will have a sugar or 375 and a few hours later it'll be down to 30. I had a 26 two evenings ago. That was probably the worst feeling I've experienced in quite a while. I was extremely weak and tired, it was difficult to hold up my head, and on top of it all I was so nauseous that just thinking about putting anything in my mouth made me gag. I had to be given an amp of D50 to bring my sugar back up to 98.

I cannot wait to get home! I am so homesick this admission. I miss my puppies and my piggy SO MUCH! I miss sleeping in my own bed. Falling asleep and staying asleep are both extremely difficult in the hospital which makes me extremely tired throughout the day. I'll be most excited to get this IV out of my chest so I can take a LEGIT shower without worrying about getting my dressing wet!

Word I associate with
summer 2014

I love quote pictures.

Just doodles

Stencil Trace

To pass the time lately, I've been doing a lot of drawing and doodling. I've done so many things that I now need to replace all of my fairly new drawing pens. I'm waiting to see if my local craft store will have the ones I am looking for before I decide to order them off of Amazon. I also need to get another binder to hold my creations as the one I have is overflowing! It usually takes me a while to fill these binders up because I tend to be very self critical and somewhat of a perfectionist. I often times will make, what I feel, is a tiny mistake and then decide to start over completely even if I am nearly finished.
I don't really have one specific style of art that I stick to. I like to experiment with and practice other forms of art. Many times my works tell a story or describe an emotion. I've used art as a coping/distraction tool ever since I was little to ease boredom and work through my depression and mood disorders. I like to fill my hospital walls with my art work that I complete while inpatient. Most of the time I create inspirational quote pictures when I am in the hospital. My pictures at home are different combinations of quotes, emotions, and stories.

Another stencil

If y'all see anything you like or would like me to do something for you or someone you know, send me a message or comment below. Making things for other people is my favorite! Also, if you would like to see more of my work let me know as well. I can dedicate an entire blog post to things I've completed or that I am still working on. (This would also give me the push I need to organize the pictures I have shoveled into my art binder!)

This one is from a few months ago

Well, I guess that's about all I've got for now. I hope y'all have a blessed and fantastic day!

Amber

It's One Helluva Life

Hey y'all! Just updating on my current health status. After being discharged on IV antibiotics May 30th, I was admitted again via ER on June 5th due to massive hemoptysis. I was in ICU for 2 days and I am now on my regular "CF" floor. Over the past week, I have had several CT scans of my chest, ultrasounds of my arms, shoulders, neck, and legs, chest and abdominal x-rays, and a Bronchial Artery Embolization.

Results:

• CT scans showed two new Pulmonary Embolisms (PEs/blood clots) in my lungs.
• Ultrasounds showed old and new clots and something the doctors need to wait for the radiologist to look into more. (I'll update about this when I find out)
• X-rays showed two tubular objects in the lower left side of my lungs, possibly mucus plugs, and abdominal film looked fairly good.
• Bronchial Artery Embolization stopped the hemoptysis! I'm still pretty sore from this procedure though.

They are repeating CT and x-ray later this week. PFT are dependent on how I feel.

Bacon sleeping with Mator

On a happier note: We got a PIG! Oink! ;) Bacon (Justin chose his name) is our miniature potbelly pig. He is absolutely adorable! He LOVES Mator and Mator is very tolerant of Bacon's piglet nature.
Bacon is 6 weeks old. He was born April 27. He weights about 4 pounds and eats 1/2 cup of food a day.
He is potty trained to either go in his litter box or to go outside with the dogs. He was the fastest potty trainer EVER! It took just a single day to train him!
Its rather comical to watch him as he follows Mator or Diesel around the yard, his tail wagging. He thinks he's a dog! Bacon loves to play with the dog toys as well!
We'll ask Mator, "Where's your piggy?" And he'll immediately jump up and start looking for Bacon.

Unfortunately, we no longer have Dixie. She is better suited for a one dog home. Her new family is with a younger couple and their 18 month old son. We were sad to see her go, but also happy she is with a good family!

Diesel at 5.5 months

Diesel at 3 months

Baby Diesel is doing great! He just hit 6 months old this month! He is growing like CRAZY! His last weight was 44 lbs! And he likes to be a lazy bum. We have to push him a little sometimes to get him going, but once he's outside playing fetch he'll go for hours! He's still getting use to his BIG feet and often trips over them when he's running after the ball, but that doesn't stop him!

Me and Lucas 2009

I also want to say HAPPY (early) BIRTHDAY to my baby brother, Lucas! He will be turning 20 on MONDAY! No longer a teenager! Lucas and I have always been really close, and I am so sad I cannot be with him on his birthday this year! <3

That's all I've got for now!

Beaches, Zoos, and UNC

Its been a little over a month since I last updated. So, here's what's been going on in the Walker world!

I was discharged from UNC last month with some pretty awesome PFTs! :) I was able to go home without IV antibiotics. At home, Justin has been doing more hand CPT/BDs in place of the vest. I feel like the vest isn't as effective as the pummeling. I am able to cough and get more junk out.

I am currently at UNC again. I had a pretty major drop in lung function in the past month. My doctors think it is a combination of the MRSA infection and the different types of allergens here in NC versus what I was used to in MN. They gave me a central line in my chest because my veins are pretty much non-existent now and because they are more than likely going to send me home on IV antibiotics. (YAY) I've also gotten my G-tube tract fixed while here! So I will probably be doing some more tube feeds at home for a while. I've been having extreme nausea/vomiting for the past 6 days which has prevented me from eating. I've also been running fevers the last few days. Docs aren't sure what's causing it. All my lab work is coming back normal so far.

We were able to make it to the beach two weekends ago! It was beautiful! I just wish we could have stayed longer! The boardwalk was really cool. There were tons of cool shops and they had a FUDGE shop! I got a 1/2 pound of smores fudge... it was almost gone before we got home!

The zoo was also a fun trip that same weekend! We visited Carolina Zoo for the day! As most of you know, animals are definitely one of my biggest passions in life. I would definitely own my own zoo, if I could!

That's about all I've got for now. Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

The Day We Met Dixie :)

Hey y'all! Its been a busy couple of weeks for me!

I am currently admitted to UNC for the first time here in Chapel Hill for a lung infection and excessive mucus buildup. I am now growing a new bacteria in my lungs called Staph or MRSA.
Today is day 13 of the admission and I AM GOING HOME TOMORROW! I had PFTs yesterday. My lung function is AMAZING! Better than I've seen in a few years! I am so blessed and so thankful that I have such an amazing family to motivate me to do my therapies and take my medication. Since I've been down in North Carolina, I have been doing so well taking care of myself! I've rarely missed treatments or medications and I have been much more active with taking the dogs for a walk several times a week.
Currently, I am looking into some sort of volunteer opportunities in my area. I have found one that I am EXTREMELY interested in. It would be helping out at the Aloha Safari Zoo near my house.
ASZ is for rescued animals. All, or nearly all, have been rescued and brought to live here as they would not be able to survive in their natural habitats. I am going to be contacting them as soon as I am discharged.
You can check out ASZ here----> Aloha Safari Zoo
Since my last update we have also added a new member to the family. Dixieland, Dixie for short, is our 10 week old Shepard, Pittbull, Mastiff mix. Justin made the mistake of leaving by myself at a flea market in Fayetteville and during the 5 minutes I was alone, I saw a man carrying a puppy and asked to pet her.

Dixie, the day I got her. 

He asked me if I wanted her, that he was giving them away for free!!! Of course, I said, "YES!" Then asked Justin for the car keys when I found him talking to someone about some tools. He handed them to me without looking and I went and waited in the car for him. We were halfway home before he realized I had Dixie, and by then it was too late to give her back!

I guess that is all I have to say at the moment. Y'all have a super week! Much love to you!

Amber

Doing the Life Thing :)

Holy bananas!!! It's been a long, expensive, stressful, yet rewarding month!

In recent months, I've definitely become more aware of my health status. Not that I've not been in the past; however, I've become more mindful of the effects it has on those around me and the people I love and care for. I have began to post a picture on FB for every time I do a vest/neb. I'm sure it may annoy some people on my page, but I am doing this for me. It holds me accountable and I know most of my friends on FB love seeing that I am doing what I should be! I have deemed Friday to be "Four Vests Friday" for myself, and I am so blessed to have some Cysters and Fibros who are joining me as well as so many others giving me encouragement to stay on top of all my therapies! The day I deemed "FVF" I posted this along with a photo: 

"Ok... I am deeming today four vests Friday! I REFUSE to let CF take over. So I'm going to kick it in the butt and suck up the extra half an hour for one more vest on Fridays! Hopefully working my way towards four more often in the following weeks, but it's one step at a time! 
I WILL win! I AM going to be here to watch my baby sisters and brothers get married and have children. I WON'T make my parents have to bury me because I'm going to live until I'm 90! I WON'T give up and I will NEVER allow myself to lose faith that God is right beside me along with all of my wonderful friends, my husband, my two amazing sets of parents, my sweet little sissies, my awesome brothers, my guardian angels in Heaven, my babies of the canine kind, and my inspiring & strong cysters & fibros who are fighting the battle with me!
I am 100% determined to live life to the fullest! I want people to think of me as the girl who fought and WON the battle. And I want more than anything to give back to everyone who has pushed me to stay positive, everyone who has never lost hope in me even when I'd lost it in myself. I want to give my husband and best friend the one thing I know he's wanted from the start, a child. I want to give my parents a grandchild and my siblings a niece or nephew. In my 21 years, I have never been as determined as I am now! 

All the IVs, vest therapies, nebulizers, oxygen, coughing fits, puking, gasping, needles, and sadness, despair, anger, frustration, and self pity, I have learned to smile through the tears and laugh through the pain.
So much of my strength has come from watching my most beloved angel, my grandma JoAnn. She's flying high now, but in the short 21 years I knew her she NEVER gave up, never complained, never let anything shake her faith in God. Through every battle with cancer, every course of chemo & radiation, every round of dialysis, all the days of breathlessness, weeks and months spent in the hospital, surgery after surgery, blood transfusions after blood transfusions she NEVER let herself be negative. Never left you without a smile or a laugh. She is one of the most inspiring people I've ever known and ALWAYS will be my hero.
I have so much to live for. So much to accomplish in life. And I'll be damned if I let the monster inside beat me. CF is NOT who I am. I am Amber. I have CF, CF will NEVER have me.
I know it's going to be tough getting myself to do it all when I'd rather be doing something fun or when I'm not feeling well, so any and all thoughts, prayers, reminders, and encouragement will be VERY appreciated!
(& if I would have been smart, I could have started and finished my 3rd vest while writing this... But no, I'm just starting it now)"

My Will to Continue to Fight Stems from These Guys

My brother, Lucas! <3

 Although there are many more, I don't have photos of them all. My mom, my older brother, some of my best friends/ friends, cysters and fibros, etc.

My foster siblings legally, but they will be mine no matter what! 

My angel... My grandma, JoAnn <3 My hero

My daddy <3

Summer of '13 with my lovely sister

My BEAUTIFUL sisters (latest photo with them)

My AMAZING foster parents

Mator <3

My #1 baby... ALWAYS & FOREVER <3 Mator

My two BEST friends and their daughter (my GODDAUGHTER)

Baby Diesel :)

All these people/pets have been amazing support for me over the years. Through everything I've gone through at least one or all of them have been there to encourage me to push forward and to remind me that things will get better. My heart is overwhelmed with joy and thanks to them. I couldn't do this without you! And to everyone who continuous stops by my FB page to leave me a loving/hopeful message or comment, those of you who pray for me whether it be once or on a regular basis, the people who send me random text messages "just to say, 'I love you,'" and to everyone of the healthcare professionals who've taken care of me throughout my life. If I could I would thank every single individual, personally, who has played a role in keeping me alive and feeling loved.

Many blessing to you all! <3

Amber

Absolutely Crazy, Wonderful, Terrifying, Scary Life

So, I was supposed to leave for North Carolina yesterday (Thursday) evening; however, due to the unexpected blood clot I formed in my left arm from the midline I had for my three weeks of IV antibiotics, I ended up going into the ER on Tuesday evening. Just a day after being discharged from the hospital. I wasn't going to go get checked out, but after having fevers above 101.8 for nearly 12 hours that wouldn't go down even with Tylenol, and after reaching a high fever of 103.6 I decided I'd better go in as I was also having pain in my left arm. I initially thought it might be an infection caused by the midline, but it turned out to be a massive and extensive DVT (clot) spanning from just above my elbow to the base of my neck. I am so thankful to my little brother, Ryan, who picked me up and brought me in.

After determining the severity of the clot, the doctors decided I needed an immediate IV Heparin (blood thinner) drip continuously and they transferred me back down to the U of MN. 

At this point I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to make it down to North Carolina to baby Diesel, but my amazing doctors were able to get me out this morning with blood thinning shots that I take twice a day! 

So, the parents and older brother and I shipped off this morning and we are currently driving through Indiana, after 9.5 hours of driving! I am so proud of my handsome boy, Mator! He's doing so well. This is his first extended car ride. 

Thanks to y'all who've been keeping me in your prayers and thoughts! They so not go unappreciated! 

I'll update again once I get down to NC and get settled.

Home, MOVING, Health, and..... (wait for it....) PUPPIES!

Hey y'all!

I just wanted to give a quick update. I have been in the hospital 18 days now. And I just have today left until I get outta here tomorrow!!! This will be my last hospitalization with the University of MN because, as I mentioned in my previous post, I will be moving to North Carolina to join my husband, Justin, who is stationed at the army base in Fort Bragg. 

I've still been running lower grade temperatures on and off, but the CF team doesn't seem too worried about it. I am FINALLY off the insulin drip and back on my insulin pump, which I am SO thrilled with! They no longer have to check my blood sugar every hour! (A huge PLUS in my mind!) 

Weight is still a huge issue. Yesterday, I was up four pounds from admission, but I some how managed to lose three between yesterday and today. Eating has been a challenge lately, even with the foods I enjoy, because I have been experiencing horrible nausea. I am currently on two different anti emetics to try and keep the nauseous, vomiting feelings at bay. 

I had PFTs on Thursday. They were the same as last week. I am not sure if they plan on repeating them before I am discharged tomorrow. I have been rather disappointed in my recent PFT numbers as my baseline has been slowly decreasing over the past six months to a year. I used to be able to reach the high 70s to low 80s a little over a year ago. Now I am lucky to hit mid 50s. I am hoping the move to North Carolina will be beneficial to my lung status. Since I will be so much closer to the ocean, the saltier air may help with clearing more mucus. 

I was on FaceTime with Justin when he told he had gotten me a wedding present... When I asked what it was, he put a PUPPY in front of the camera!
 I am so excited to get down to NC and meet my new baby boy! We agreed on the name Diesel. (which my brother, Lucas, was pretty happy about.) He is a Hound with mixed bloodlines. He is the CUTEST little thing. And has been driving Justin nuts as he didn't realize all of the patience and work that goes into having a puppy. I told him it was good practice for having children in the future; he didn't find that too exciting. 

Mator will be glad to have a playmate when he gets down to NC, too! I think the two of them will be best friends. Even though we have another dog now, Mator will always be my baby! I have looked to him for comfort throughout some rough times and he has (and never will) fail me. They say dogs are woMANS' best friend... They couldn't be more right! Mator knows when I am sick, he knows when I'm upset, and he is there EVERY time giving love and showing affection. So much of my strength and drive and fight come from just having him and knowing he's there. 

Well, that's all for now... I'll update some more later on! I hope everyone has a wonderful day! <3 And thank you to everyone who's been so supportive!

Moving, Marriage, and the Last Two Months

Wow... over two months again since I've updated my blog page! I'm so sorry to all of you who continue to check for updates. Life has been BUSY, wonderful, incredible, AMAZING, and magical!

At the end of February/beginning of March, I will be moving to North Carolina. I am so excited!

Justin and I were married on January 21st, 2014 by a JP in Cumberland County, NC while I was visiting. Due to his work schedule, we have not been able to take a honeymoon yet. We also didn't have a ceremony for the same reason. However; when he has enough time off we will be coming back to MN to have a ceremony with family and close friends.

I made it two months with no hospitalization! It may not sound like much, but for me this is a big accomplishment! My next goal is four months! I am currently admitted to the TCU, Transitional Care Unit, because I am not “sick” enough to need hospital level care, but because I have no means of doing IV antibiotics at home I am being cared for at TCU. 

I've been running fevers for the last couple weeks. Docs don’t really know why; however, they don’t seem too concerned as my lung function is improving. I've also been struggling with weight. Even being in the hospital, I continue to lose as I have no appetite and cannot handle more tube feeds. I do have a set discharge date of February 24. Then it’s time to go home and start packing!

Thank you to all of you who've continued to pray for me and send me well wishes! It means a lot more than you may think!

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day! <3